Monday, March 21, 2011
Refections of a mom
Photographed at Pollock Beach in Port Elizabeth this morning.....how lucky to be living here so close to the beach ....this is the view my son wakes up to every morning!..................
There is nothing that saddens me more than an unloved child. Abused, ignored, left to fend for himself. Those children have a guardian angel? Do you know a child like this?
It is of utmost importance to have a mother- child bond from day one or something will give. However hard, this bond becomes fragile when the child reaches the age of around 2 or 3 and then again, as they become teenagers...and in the case of boys, "towers of testosterone"!
They definitely respond better to dad, I still have to figure it out why, but , I think it's the fact they desperately, want his recognition whereas, mom will always be there for them....kind of drop what you're doing and run! Dads don't do this...they have their priorities slightly different to us...you get my thought process here!
Despite this, they need to be "civilised" and supervised no matter how hard it might seem- believe me, I know, I battle with this!
I sometimes feel a disconnection as mine gravitate toward their dad ( or playmate as I like to call him!)
Important to note though, they are programmed that way- don't take it personally- it's part of the cycle of life! I constantly long for a hug at times or a kiss out of the blue!, but, I know that it's 'not cool' to be seen hugging one's mom in front of the gang. All this is quite healthy and a process from which manhood will blossom as time permits. We have a nine year gap between our boys and have seen how our oldest "at last has come back"! I see it in his love and affection, gratitude, sms's and phone calls and the occasional gift or bouquet of flowers he brings in with him!
This past weekend I've had "time out" on my own. I chose this for myself! It's been wonderful reflecting and reminiscing...of when they were growing up, taking the journey of life with them...I've been their chauffeur, (promoted now to the passenger side!) , their chef, , educator, lawyer, physicologist and most of all, their home to come back to at the end of a long day,. I've hidden in bathrooms whilst they were competing in sport...I tell you, I've had some strange rituals...I've sobbed and laughed with them. sometimes my rituals have paid off and others, not so---but at the end of the day, I've tried my best and have no regrets.
Sometimes I've asked myself the question.."how can I be with him 24/7? I have so much "other stuff" to get through. Well, that's the chose I made. You have to decide what's of importance to the two of you at a specific time. And, it won't matter down the line about how good you were performing at work at the time-- it's a fact--we are all replaceable......however, to your child, he only has one set of parents and it's the impression you make on him that he holds in his heart until eternity....remember, you might not think this is the case now, but 10 years on, you will feel it! We hold that link to the relationship that boys will have with their father. Always work hard at keeping the lines of communication open and clear - and this can be extremely difficult during those teenage years.
So what I've also learned being a mom, is that you need to set aside time for your children regularly. Sit and talk together, and where better than at the table! I have a specific friend in mind...also a mom of 3 "towers of testosterone'!. It is absolute joy to sit at that huge patio table with her family and mine and listen to the younger "banter"! This is the time where we listen to what's important in their lives....so important as children need to feel part of something loving and fun, which leads to less rebellion more often than not.
This past week I was running in circles! The owner of my local sports shop stopped me and said I'm always in a hurry...on a mission...when am I going to take time to breath! We live our lives like a freight truck!
Well, this weekend I took time to breath......
I read a book
Had a spa treatment.
Walked my dog and swam in the waves with her!
Dropped into one of my dear friends for tea....and stayed for "wine'!!
Chatted to my neighbour for more than an hour!
Tackled tasks I've had to put aside.
Prayed and reflected!
Been grateful for dear friends that inspire me as they are all supermoms and role models to me!
These were my chooses, when last did you take time for yourself!
See you soon!
(Please note: I'm not telling you to give up your work....but just balance your life...sometimes quality time is more important than quantity! My friends are all career women but they do a great job at balancing their careers and their homes!)